he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize