I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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