Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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