Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
