giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
