and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I AM VODKA MAN
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
