Taylor Swift is so right about you.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize