I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
