Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
