Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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