I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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