he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
