God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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