I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
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