Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
