Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
