I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize