That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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