Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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