I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
