guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
