I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
