I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
