her vagine was all disorganized.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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