it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
