he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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