you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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