Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
