Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize