shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
why is half of my head shaved?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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