I need to stop coming to work sober
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
