Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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