xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
