HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I intend to get homeless drunk
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
