She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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