I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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