Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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