hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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