haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
