he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
