Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
