Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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