U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
