the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so let's talk penis.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Randomize
