i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just want nice things and good sex
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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