why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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