Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
