As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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