you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
