Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
