just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
