it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
