I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You made out with two different species that night
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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