oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
