I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
