Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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