Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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