my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
