pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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