She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
