They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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