he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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