U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
