That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
