Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I can text with my tongue
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
