Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
