So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
the gays at disneyland are vicious
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
