I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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