The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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