The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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