She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
