Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
