She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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