At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
