Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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