Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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