im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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