Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
