dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
