Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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