awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
