Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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