Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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