I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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