it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize