Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
