So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
