She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
