dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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