Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize