Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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