so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize