id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
