Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
