your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
