the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
never play flip cup with pint glasses
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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