Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
