her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
